Friday, April 24, 2015

Moms Say: I wish I Had....

Images courtesy of Skkan Media via Jamaican Mommies Mothers Day Picnic 2014
A few days ago in our Jamaican Mommies Facebook Group (yep it's private so go ahead and request to join) us Jamaican Mommies began discussing some of the things we have triumphed at and others that we wish we had done... differently and so began the Jamaican Mommies "Moms Say.." Series. Each Week we'll ask several Mommies from varied parenting groups a simple question and share their responses. 

This week we asked, " How old are your Kids and looking back on your parenting Journey,  What is your biggest parenting "I wish I had"? 

In the end several things stood out,


generally most moms wished they had leaned more on their instincts, made better nutrition choices, not be so hard on themselves and asked for help when needed.  What stood out mostly is that by and large parenting remains a learn-as- you-go experience.  There will be parenting manuals and guidelines as we previously established in what Parents really need to Know but having sincerity and really making the very best effort really goes a long way.   

Some comments include:




  • "My child is 1 year and 6 months....I wish I had followed my own instincts more. As a mother you truly know or think you know what is best for your child but you feel pressured to follow those who are mothers before you. They really can't speak to your child's needs better than you."- T.G

  • "I have a teenager and a toddler and I wish I had gone easy on the junk food. Burger King and KFC are not our friends...in the moment it may seem fast & easy for a busy/stressed Mummy but trying to re-condition the child in the later years...is difficult at best." -J.W
  • "My children are 2 & 3. What I would have done differently is ask for help more often after having my first, I took on waaaaaaaaaay too much during my post partum recovery"-D.P

  • "My Son is 6 he does not listen so I wonder myself where did I go wrong so I guess I have to put my foot down some more" - D.L

  • "My babies are 12, 10, 7,5 and 3. I should have shown them how to clean their rooms from 1"- T.E 

  • "The boys 9 & 6. What would i have done differently? had them 20 years earlier!!"- F.M

  • "My kids are 18yrs, 13yrs and 5 months. I wish I had introduced them to Christ earlier especially my 18yr old, and start having kids maybe 10 yrs later and having them closer."- T.M

  • "My son is 2 and if I could do anything differently it would be taking a stand against unsolicited advice. It is extremely difficult having a toddler, pursuing an engineering degree, keeping my marriage interesting along with balancing bills and appearance. I wish I had more support sometimes. On the upside I am proud that I made learning seem fun and censored his videos"- H.T 

  • "My son is 2 1/2 years old I wished I hadn't taken the I can do it all approach so I met all his needs and not have him wait on his dad's timing to do things. I should have been more adamant that he help out especially during the breastfeeding months and bottle feedings and to take on weekend duty full tilt. I wished I hadn't given in to snacking during my 6 month breast feeding exclusively stint buy I needed the energy and I didn't have time to cook especially returning to work. My last point is with the sleeping in our bed and by the looks of it I will have a uphill constant battling in trying to get him to sleep in his own."- R.G 
  • "My Daughter is 7 and son will be here any day. I think for my daughter I probably would have started her swimming earlier if I had known I could start at 3 months. I also would have attempted cloth diapering. Everything else I think I learned from them"- M.D 
  • "My Child is 13 months. I wish I had tried harder to breastfeed".- S.A 
  • "My son is 9. I would probably try breast-feeding a little harder and I would PROBABLY not spoil him as much because now he is ROTTEN" G.P
  • "My daughter is 6 and my son is 2. I think I would have tried harder to breastfeed my daughter. I did it with my son and it was wonderful"-D.C.W
  • "My son is 5 months next week.....a bit soon to look back and see what I would do differently. Ohhhhh circumcise him in the hospital and not when he was 2 weeks old".-C.B
  • "My daughter is about 18 months old and I wish I had let her do more... as an older 1st time mom I've been overly cautious".- N.R.
  • "My son turns 4 next month. I wish I knew and recognized the early signs of autism before his diagnosis last year. Feel like I should have known. Wish I trusted my "Mommy Intuition" earlier on. Glad to be past the freak out stage... somewhat..." D.M.
  • "My son is 3. I wish I allowed his hair to grow until he wanted it to be cut, instead of waiting for him to ask for hair (like mine, his dad, & my friends). I am happy he requested no more barber & is sticking with it though".-M.B.
  • "My kids are 25, 23, 9, 5 and I wish I had more patience with all of them... But my parenting is sooooo much better the second time around"...-M.W.
  • "My First one is 3 years old, second is 20 months. I wish I had put my foot down more with visitors after I had my first. I didn't want to offend anyone, but looking back, it was really overwhelming (especially when people try to give unsolicited advice). I also believe all that unnecessary stress affected my milk supply, because the second time around I was more successful - even though it didn't last very long."- K.M
  • " My daughter is 7 years old and I wish I didn't stay in a bad relationship 'for the sake of my child' . I could sense it was going downhill from the start, but I really wanted to have my child grow up with both parents. It eventually took some serious soul searching to realize that a bad relationship could never be good for my child. I regret staying on for 7 years though as my child picked up lots of the negatives from that relationship such as shouting and storming out etc"- G.H
  • "My son is 11 and in that awkward stage and I wish I had spent more time with him instead of being so involved at work. I feel like I was always so busy with work that he literally grew out of my sight so I just wish I didn't miss out on so much of his life by being so busy with my career" -R.L
  • "My daughter is 8 and sometimes when I look back, I wish I had played with her more. I was always so busy with work, rushing home, taking care of dinner, getting ready for bed and work that I felt I never truly had play time with her" - D.P
  • "My kids are now teenagers and now I wish I had listened to them more. It is really hard to be maintaining a relationship with them now especially with them always saying I never listen. Sigh" -K.T. 

As we will see mums, there are always improvements to be made; always things we wish we had done differently, but the aim is to always learn from the downturns and maintain the upturns.  As a guide, if there are deep rooted issues that will affect your relationship with your kids, do address them today. Ask yourself, If I don't change X today, what will my relationship with my child be like in 5 years then 10?! and change something today!!. 

  If an extremely busy schedule is your cry, try to reserve weekends for quality time with your kids; If they say you never listen, try to do just that and remember we have been granted motherly instincts for a reason so let us use them and end the cycle of regrets.

P.S. My daughter is 6 going on 60 and I wish I had popped out baby number 2, three years ago.  At the time, I couldn't fathom being a second time mother as I feared not having enough time for both :-)


What are your biggest Parenting I wish I had moments? Share with us!!!


Cheers
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2 comments:

Diedre Mackey said...

Lovely post.. Very inspirational.. Keep up the good work ☺️

Jamaican mommy (Shanoy Harris- Coombs) said...

Thank youuu :-) Thanks for stopping by. Pop by again soon. To have posts delivered to your inbox, subscribe today!!

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